Snooki has been denied. MTV had intended to have the Jersey Shore star drop in a ball at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, much like the century old Times Square tradition, but organizers of the event said the request wasn’t put in on time and it really wasn’t practical. The idea was to construct a ball of her own to drop in and not the traditional one. Instead, on Thursday they went to Seaside Heights, N.J., to tape a Snooki ball drop to be shown during the New Year’s Eve festivities. So Snooki will not be responsible for any ball dropping on New Year’s Eve, at least none that will be televised. Look for that on the internet sometime next year. I’m sure she’s been responsible for her share of dropped balls.
Elton John and his husband, David Furnish, are now the proud parents of a baby boy that was born on Christmas day. There was no word as to which one of them actually gave birth, but I’m sure it was a painful delivery. Do they have special tools for that? Just kidding. It was done with the help of a surrogate. Of course, with a name like Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John it’s a good thing he will never have to go to public school. They might just as well have called him Beat My Ass Furnish-John and been done with it. At 62, Elton, is this really a good time to think about having kids? Do you realize that you will be 80, if you’re still around, when your son turns 18? Oh well, good luck with it. At least you can afford to hire a pack of nannies.
A group founded by actor George Clooney has teamed up with Google, a U.N. agency and anti-genocide organizations to launch satellite surveillance of the border between north and south Sudan to prevent a new civil war after the south votes in a secession referendum next month. As Mr. Clooney said in a statement, “War criminals thrive in the dark. It’s a lot harder to commit mass atrocities in the glare of the media spotlight.” We applaud Mr. Clooney’s humanitarian efforts and wish them much luck with it.
In an unrelated story, actor Randy Quiad has set up his own satellite surveillance of the border between Canada and the United States in an effort to keep the infamous “star whackers” from crossing over and chasing him down. Although the Canadian border patrol has done an impeccable job of keeping the “star whackers” out of Canada, they are a wiley bunch. One must keep up a constant vigil to thwart their efforts.
According to USA Today’s recent Gallop poll, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are the most admired man and woman in America. The people who voted have obviously not been watching FOX News, or they’d know this wasn’t true. The poll was conducted with the use of random phone interviews. President Obama had 22 percent of the male vote and Hillary had 17 percent of the female. No one else was close enough on the male side to be a factor while Mrs. Clinton’s closest rival was Sarah Palin with 12 percent. There is a margin of error of plus or minus 4 percentage points in the poll, making both of them the clear winners. Of course, when you take into consideration that this poll was taken by people who were not only willing to answer the phone when they saw that it was a number that they didn’t recognize, but were then willing to be interviewed as well, you may want to add or subtract a few extra points for that. Palin followers may have cause to question these results because of this fact. It could also mean that she lost by a whole lot more.
The book “Meat Happy and Other Stories” is now available for Kindle and other compatible devices on amazon.com. The book features the first of “The Adventures of Happy Bigfeet,” “Meat Happy,” plus the first year of the Stories of the Month from www.myfunnystories.com. Go to myfunnystories.com to see a sample of the book or follow the following link if you would care to buy it. http://www.amazon.com/Meat-Happy-Other-Stories-ebook/dp/B004HB22WM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1293633226&sr=1-1
84 year-old Hugh Hefner is engaged to 23 year-old Playmate Crystal Harris. I have always been a fan of Hugh Hefner, but this is getting ridiculous. If an 84 year-old can bag a 23 year-old then more power to him, but you have to question the sanity and the motives of a hot 23 year-old woman who is even willing to sleep with a man that age, let alone marry him. I don’t care how much Viagra he is taking, there has to be a definite eeww factor involved every time she slips into bed with him. The two things in his favor; I don’t care how ironclad the prenupt is, I’m sure she’ll be set for life once she serves out her term and this is Hugh Hefner, I’m sure he has sense enough to realize it’s going to be an open marriage. I don’t know, maybe I’m just not romantic enough.
Often controversial televangelist Pat Robertson has the marijuana smoking world all abuzz. He happened to mention that he thought drug laws were a little too harsh on a recent episode of “The 700 Club.” Don’t pass him a joint just yet. He’s not ready to go there (not even for some Maui Wowie or a little Thai Stick). His thought is that a religious treatment program is more effective. Instead of sending drug users to prison, they should be forced to join a brainwashing cult. Let’s not give him too much credit.
I love headlines. See if you can figure out what is wrong with this one. “German dog to be neutered after 17-puppy litter.” See it yet? If this dog gave birth to 17 puppies, I don’t think neutering is going to fix the problem. I think they need to get it into a lab and figure out how a male dog gave birth to 17 puppies. But what do I know?
Here are a few simple observations about 2010. The new freecreditscore.com band sucks. Global warming is a pain in the ass. I don’t know how many more of these record cold snaps I can stand. Miley Cyrus won’t officially become an adult until she is arrested. Taylor Mumford doesn’t need to be arrested to become an adult. She just needs a tetanus shot and some penicillin. Reality shows are like car accidents; no one really wants to watch them, it’s just impossible not to and the more stupid people you have in one place, the better your chances are of having one. This year was the year of the douche (Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods etc.), what will next year be? Why hasn’t there been a hit put out on the cast of Jersey Shore? If I were Italian, I wouldn’t want the entire world thinking we’re all that stupid and ugly. The Catholic Church is a well oiled PR machine. Why don’t they hire Mel Gibson to be their official spokesman? Isn’t it ironic that Julian Assange doesn’t like it when someone takes a leak on him?
A Colorado man who wrote a how-to guide for pedophiles has been charged with violating Florida’s obscenity laws. A Florida sheriff claims jurisdiction because the author sold and mailed a copy of the book to undercover officers there. The author claims that he only has sex with adults and that the book falls under his first amendment right to free speech. This brings up so many questions. So he wants us to believe that he has no firsthand knowledge of anything he wrote in his book? That would mean he just guessed at everything. Pedophiles, don’t buy this book. It’s filled with nothing but lies. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Why would anyone in their right mind write a how-to guide for pedophiles? It doesn’t matter if this is covered under his first amendment rights. Someone should smack the hell out of him anyway. Every time a pedophile is caught in the act with this book in his possession is a potential lawsuit against the author. Yes, I see the author of this book as a real stand up kind of guy. If he is convicted he could become a real bent over kind of guy, or a real on his knees kind of guy, while the prison guards are real look the other way kind of guys. I see the writing of a how-to guide for pedophiles as a brilliant career move. I’m sure it will get him lots of other offers.